2005-06-07 - 7:29 a.m.
When we first moved into our house, all the posts and other flat sufaces on the front of the house were draped with chicken-wire to keep the pigeons from roosting there. I thought this was ugly, so slowly started replacing the chicken-wire with little birds made of wire, which I thought were prettier.
Pigeons are now roosting in and among the wire birds that I made, with the wire birds' sharp little beaks and wings effectively protecting them from any attempt at human interference. I feel like this is the kind of things that should have some important life lesson to teach, like maybe "Don't ever imagine you're ever in control of anything. Any attempt to exert any control at all will simply result in further chaos".
Sigh.
I'm feeling a little forlorn these days. There are some reasons for me to feel this way, but also lots of reasons why I shouldn't, so I'm frustrated by my inability to shake the mood. Which I guess is another illustration of how hopeless it is to think that you're in charge.
It was a weekend of showers - the wedding shower for the girl my cousin is marrying, the baby shower for one of my old friends from high school with whom I've recently reconnected. I don't mind baby showers - someone has to reproduce, I'd rather it be people I like and approve of, and god knows babies are expensive little buggers. Wedding showers make me grind my teeth though. The relentless hetero couple-ness of it all fills me with resentment. Possibly the couple-ness more than the hetero part, to be honest - I feel unattractively bitter sometimes around people who seem to be able to find some kind of uncomplicated long-term thing to settle into, when complicated seems to be the way things go for me, if they go at all. Luckily I was able to leave the wedding shower early - ate some tiny sandwiches filled with mysterious stuff, wished New Cousin happines, which at least was genuine, and left before I started wanting to shoot myself just to get out of playing stupid shower games.
